15 Reasons Why I am Not Going to my 10 Year Reunion

1~Seriously, we’re all friends on Facebook. I know where you live, how many kids you have, how long you’ve been married, and what you do on a daily basis
2~I live exactly 1430.58 miles from the high school I graduated from. It is a $567.30 plane ticket. That is not including the ticket to the reunion or for the drinks that will be necessary to cope with the fact I am not 16 any more. It will cost me $310 to go see my boyfriend for his birthday in Chicago and I will have enough money left over to take him out for a nice birthday dinner and drinks and possibly jazz.
3~Yes, I am an actress in LA. Yes, I have done some film and TV. No, you probably have never seen me or heard of anything I have worked on. Yes, I would rather do theater. No, I don’t want to hear about you or someone you are related to’s secret desire to become and actor. I also don’t want your unsolicited advice on what I should do to become a famous Hollywood actress. I also don’t want to answer questions like :”Who is your favorite actor?” or “Do you understand David Lynch?” No one understands David Lynch. If they say they do they are either lying to you to look cool and superior or they looked the meaning up on the internet.
4~No, I don’t want kids. No, I don’t want to explain my reasons or listen to you tell me how I will change my mind when I get older and “settle down”. And I can guarantee you, if I have spent 6 years of my adult life as a nanny that looking at pictures of your precious little angels will not convince me to get off my birth control.
5~I like to think that I am a good actress but my acting skills tend to run out after 3 hours of pretending I care about other people, their jobs, meeting their spouses, how wonderful their children are, and their lives. This remains true whether or not I genuinely like you and with or without drinks.
6~I divorced my High School Sweetheart. I don’t want to answer the inevitably uncomfortable questions surrounding that part of my life. Considering everyone knew we were dating, since we dated for 4 years, and everyone knew we got married I would just rather avoid any questions on the subject
7~I don’t remember half the people that say they went to high school with me. Combine this with the fact that I am terrible at names and you have a disaster waiting to happen. Maybe it was all the drinking I did in “college” or maybe I just am really forgetful but I don’t want to spend the evening pretending to a) be sober and b) remember your name much less that hilarious thing that happened in 3rd hour English when we were Sophomores.
8~I did not finish college (apparently you can’t major in Jager shots).  I don’t have a high powered, high paying job to compensate for this. Nor did I marry rich. I have done nothing incredibly meaningful in my life. I am 15lbs heavier than the day I graduated and look not at all different other than my hair is darker. I also am not good at pretending I am an astronaut or was in the peace corp. I don’t make enough money to say I am a full-time actress.  I am simply an administrative assistant who does dinner theater on nights and weekends. I can feel your eyes judging me from here.
9~I have 2 cats. They are my world. I share pictures and talk about them constantly. They sleep with me every night and I talk to them on the phone if I have to be away from them. Yes, I am dangerously close to being a crazy cat lady at a very young age. I also realizes how that looks to those of you “dog people” who only have one pet and live “normal” lives that don’t involve calling your pets “children”.
10~Yes, I live in Southern California and work looking at mountains all day, across from Angels Stadium and spend every weekend working at the beach. The hottest it gets in the summer is 85 degrees and in the winter it once dropped to 50 degrees. No, you can not come visit or stay with me.
11~I was not nice in high school. I wasn’t a “Mean Girl” but I wan’t voted Miss Congeniality either. I was even meaner after high school then disappeared for several years. I am pretty sure there is someone out there I went to high school with that is hell-bent on getting a “Carrie”-like revenge on me. And frankly, I don’t look good in pink OR pig’s blood.
12~Along the same vein, there are people from high school I am avoiding for my own personal, selfish reasons. The last thing I want is to spend the night avoiding drunk people I don’t care to see or talk to. Besides, where DOES one get pig’s blood these days?
13~I have a really truly wonderful relationship with a wonderful man. I literally feel like this relationship made me think fairy tale endings really can happen to anyone. That being said I don’t want to have to spend an entire evening explaining a) that we have a long distance relationship for part of the year but it really does work and we both trust each other completely (imagine the looks I get on that one!) b) why he can’t be there with me (um…he is in school) c) why we have been together for almost 2 years and live together when we can and I am planning to eventually move to Chicago to be with him but we aren’t even talking about the M word d)the whole kids thing and e) He’s NOT Italian…he’s Sicilian
14~I’ve made up my own versions of what happened to me in High School and I honestly don’t want anyone to tell me the truth and ruin all the good memories I have
15~And finally the MAIN reason why I don’t want to go to my 10 year Reunion is…I couldn’t find a thing to wear

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